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Happy Birthday Papi!

1.24.2015

i'll always be a daddy's girl...

Happy (a day late) birthday to the kindest, most generous, giving, and (sometimes) patient man I know. I have lived my life up until this point with you in mind as I make decisions and carve my own way on this crazy journey we call life. Everything you've taught me is engraved in my mind and organically put into practice on a daily basis. Sometimes I hear your voice in my head as I'm about to make not the smartest of choices... like that time I decided to take in a cat off the streets in the midst of a crazy work schedule, a strained marriage, and the fact that technically, I'm not allowed to have pets in my apartment. "No te compliques tu vida Jackeline" which is what you call me when you're being serious or I'm in trouble. I can probably count on my hands the times you've called me by my full name and it's not because I've always been a good girl, it's because that's just how understanding you are. I turn to you for advice and guidance or sometimes just a simple hug will do the trick. I'm never homesick until I think about the distance between us (and mami!) and sometimes find myself at a loss for words to describe just how important you are to me. Even now I write this in english only because it makes it a little bit easier to express the love I feel for you. I will continue to live my life with you in mind, hoping that I am always able to make you proud. I wish so badly that I could have been there to celebrate your special day, and although I may never move back to Miami (never say never) I can at least promise you that I'm figuring out a way to move back to the east coast and closer to home. I love you today and always, happy birthday papi! 

***Today I am thankful for my papi, he would move heaven and earth for me if he could and for that I am ever grateful***

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Today I...

1.22.2015

random picture of a candle just because...

- woke up early and did my morning yoga followed by some much needed deep stretches and it felt good!

- gave Brooklyn some extra scratches because he was extra needy and I tried my best to soothe him...

- placed kisses all over hub's sleepy face before I left for work and told him how much I loved him... 

- was stuck in traffic for about an hour where I jammed out to Taylor Swift on repeat...

- dropped my phone in the toilet, quickly reached in and grabbed (ewe!) and dried it off but it died anyways...

- did some sketching at work that had seemed daunting but actually ended up being quite nice and therapeutic...

- daydreamed about quitting my day job and starting up a folk band with little k and hubs, if only...

- stepped away from my desk and took an actual lunch break with a fellow co-worker and it was nice...

- was inspired and started dreaming up amazing things to come and it felt so liberating to be creative again...

- had to take deep breaths at work because sometimes things get frustrating and I have to remind myself to just let it go...

- splurged on a $30 bottle of wine (I know!) because it had a cool label and yes, I buy my wine based on it's packaging...

- got home eager to practice my ukulele and can now almost play Sunday Morning (Maroon 5) the whole way through! 

- danced around the kitchen to Fleetwood Mac while kind of helping hubs cook a delicious meal...

- blogged again (yay!) and thought up this quirky (I hope) new series just for you all...

- made some secret promises to myself and made a resolution to live the life I want to love and making my own strides...

***Today I am thankful for this life... it's short and precious and I intend to make the most of it!***

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More Like Goals: 2015 Edition

1.12.2015

picture is intentionally blurry like my life... i'm working on finding some focus...

Because resolutions always sound like a waste of time (to me) and they make me feel like I've failed whenever I'm not able to maintain them. These are my 10 simple and hopefully realistic goals that I will strive for in 2015. I know that as life carries on, some will be easier than others and some may fall flat on their little goal faces but that's ok, I'm not trying to be perfect. All I want is to try and be a better version of myself and I think these goals will help accomplish that. Feel free to share a few of your own in the comments if like!

1 | Focus more on me... I know this may sound a little selfish, but the truth is, sometimes it's ok to be a bit selfish, encouraged even! Of course all in good measure and this by no means excuses me to go around acting like a jerk. What I mean is that in the past few years, I have given my all to those that don't deserve it, spread myself thin, and broken more than once. I've realized that I should always be my first priority and if I don't take care of myself, who will? Focusing more on me, what my needs are, what I want out of life, and even what I expect out of relationships will hopefully make me a better version of myself. I think that by making the effort to truly connect with myself, I can make the decisions needed to carve out the kind of genuine and love filled life that I crave. I'm tired of sacrificing myself over and over again... for the wrong job, the wrong friends, you name it, I'm a sucker for it! One of my biggest downfalls is being a people pleaser and in the end getting taken advantage of... oh and it probably doesn't help that I can't have people be mad at me, it makes me physically ill. But starting this year, I choose me! You know I'm pretty awesome if I do say so myself, I just forget sometimes. #ichoosemegoshdarnit

2 | Date more often and more spontaneously... Now calm down, I mean with hubs of course! I think a big part of keeping any marriage or any relationship for that matter exciting is to always mix it up. I'm an obsessive planner that has too often let that get in the way (I'm sorry hubs!) and enough is enough. Yes let's just get in the car and drive until we're hungry or tired or get the urge to take pictures... what, just me? OK, let's book that thing you found last minute for a great deal even though I know it'll mean I'll be exhausted come Monday morning but you know, yolo and all that... Wait I was planning on cleaning, doing laundry, insert any other lame thing you can possibly think of and that's been my broken record for awhile now. And it's not that I don't like the cuddle, tv show marathon, eating take away in bed routine, because I really do love it. It's just that where are the stories of great adventures we'll hopefully tell our grandkids one day? So date we shall people! No activity being too big, too small, or too silly. No more being seduced by our very comfy sofa. No more excuses, complains, or concerns. And even as I write this, I know it will bite me in the butt in the near future but hubs, feel free to make me eat my words if and when I forget.

(*apologies for using yolo)

3 | Travel more... I feel like even though I've been fortunate enough to travel some throughout my life, I haven't always appreciated it, taken it for granted even. I could just kick younger me for this! And now as I approach my thirties (gasp, I know!) the urge to move around has been stirred up in me and I can't seem to quiet it back down. The thought of holding down a nine to five for however long makes me want to cry! I swear if money wasn't an issue, this girl would be out the door in a flash. Realizing this has had a serious impact on my priorities and I'm slowly but surely figuring out a way to adjust so I can allow more travel this year... because I can just quit my job and backpack through Peru and then figure it out when I get back... why did I only just realize this?!? Stay tuned...

4 | Become a morning person... They say the early bird gets the worm and all that but maybe the early bird just wants to squeeze in some morning yoga from time to time or not be running around like a maniac because they overslept. The few times I have managed to convince myself to get up early, I'm always pleasantly surprised at how smug I feel when I've already tackled half of my to do list before others have even gotten out of bed. Waking up earlier also has other benefits like getting to enjoy a beautiful sunrise in total quite and stillness. It feels something awfully delicate to be awake when most are still sleeping peacefully. Those rare mornings feel like they are extra special and just for me so I want to try and have more of them. Minor problem is I HATE waking up and even more so when it's early. I know it'll be a painful transition, but one I'm determined to make so I can take full advantage of the days to come. Maybe I'll even start running in the mornings like I did that handful of times back in 2009, maybe...

5 | Be outdoors more often... Only I would suffer from mild vitamin D deficiency living in LA, crazy right? Even though it's usually 72 degrees and sunny pretty much year round over here, having a full time job also means I spend most (read that as all) the daylight hours indoors, at a desk, mainly staring at a computer screen. Ever feel like you're going cabin crazy from lack of natural sunlight? Well that's about how I feel, oh all of the time! I think this may be the reason that this past year I found myself looking at hubs with those crazy yearning eyes and half whispering "let's get out of here!" To the mountains, to the desert, to the woods... it makes no difference to me. The urge to run away from it all and connect with nature is growing and it's growing fast folks! I've even had fantasies where I quit it all and go live in the desert and or mountains for some time... ahh the dream. Well at least let's try and make this a monthly habit or so and maybe, just maybe I can survive another year of corporate...

6 | Blog more frequently and more honestly... Since moving out to LA, my little blog here has suffered a serious drought. There have been sporadic periods of blogging, probably inspired by something or other, but only to end up with a grand total of 23 posts last year! You see, the thing is, LA life has been rough and very unexpectedly so. I've struggled with old and new demons, tried my hardest to keep the fact that I was unhappy buried deep within me so I wouldn't have to face it, stretched and arched in different directions trying to be something I'm not, felt rejected by a city I had such high hopes for, and many other things that aren't the happiest to put it lightly. So I stopped blogging... because who wants to read someone whining all the time? Truth is, this is my blog and my special place where I have been chronicling my life for the past few years. What I've come to realize is that this includes the bad and the ugly, not just the happy... because who the hell is happy all the time anyways? And that when I have opened up, it turns out that others out there relate so why not put myself out there? Writing has always been a kind of therapy for me and this blog created an outlet not just for my creativity, but for my thoughts as well. I deeply regret shutting out the real life stuff from here just for the simple fact that it wasn't happy or inspiring. I'm hoping to share more openly and honestly this year if only because I'm better at expressing myself on here rather than reaching out in person. And that's ok...

7 | Look my best to feel my best... I've always noticed that I'm a lot more confident whenever I look my best. It's not a vanity thing or anything, but it's just an observation that I've noticed over the years. When I take the time to style a killer outfit together, do my makeup and even put some effort into my unruly hair, I walk a little taller, talk a little bolder, and act little more fearless. There's just something about the perfect shade of lipstick or striding in heels that does it like nothing else. I'm very much a fan of projecting what you want others to see and with me, that's confidence. I've also noticed that working on my appearance is the first thing to go when I'm down on myself or feeling blue. It's a slippery slope because then I feel like a slob and get all insecure and nobody wants that. So I'm going to try to a little harder to take care of me, inside and out, because I feel that both are equally important and sometimes when your'e having a crappy day, a little lipstick can go a long way!

8 | Read more... I have an embarrassing confession to make, I'm still not done reading Gone Girl that my sister got me for xmas... LAST YEAR! Can yo believe it?!? I don't even know what to say except that reading has dropped severely on my priorities list and I am not ok with that. I love getting lost in a good book and just need to make more time for it. Another embarrassing confession, I'm one of those that keeps buying books, magazines, subscribing to blogs because I'll get to that eventually or this will motivate me to get back on it... But enough is enough and I'll be damned if I'm still instagraming the same book a year from now! I guess before it was always easier to incorporate reading into my life because I was always taking the train here and there. Now with driving, I can't exactly do the same for obvious reasons. Maybe it's a matter of having some sort of reading material on me at all times to squeeze it in whenever I can or combine it with other goals like in the early mornings or while I'm being outdoors more. I don't know exactly how I'll accomplish this yet but I do know I miss reading and so it's worth a try.

9 | Reach out to those I love... It's no secret that I tend to keep to myself a lot. I'm one of those that seems like an extrovert but is really and truly an introvert just nobody knows it types. I'm the worst at keeping in touch and can so easily get lost in my own head/world that I forget that while I may be going though my fair share of crap, loved ones might be going through the same thing if not worse. It's not that I don't care, because I'm probably guilty of caring too much most of the time. It's just that I get lazy or make excuses or life gets in the way or they are probably busy anyways. So reaching out will definitely be a bit of a challenge for me but hopefully more romantic ways like snail mail and care packages will help ease me into emailing and texting to then eventually lead to calling and making plans "gasp!" I'll keep you all posted...

10 | Start running again... Man oh man I sure do miss running! Never in a million years did I ever think those words would be coming out of my mouth and yet here they are. Running... I miss it. And not just a little, but kind of a lot. I miss the action of doing it, I miss the way I feel when it's in my life, and I miss the way I look when I'm doing it more regularly. It's not going to be easy because running has always been such a love/hate thing and the starting all over part has always been the hate part as well. But I know I can do it because I've proven that to myself in the past, now I just have to do it! I'm hoping a few races throughout the year can serve as some much needed motivation!


***Today I am thankful for a new year and a fresh start... anyone else feel like they'd been holding their breath and can finally let go?***
 

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