image via my instagram
Guys, it's been two years in London now! Well technically it was two years yesterday... and we're not really in London anymore but I thought Happy Two Years Mostly In London And Occasionally In Ringwood sounded a bit lengthy. So just go with it k?
I have been thinking about this post in particular for a while... what I hoped to be writing come two years... what I hoped would be different from year one... and now that it's here, I'm still not sure what to say or how I feel. I can honestly say that year two was better, but not necessarily any easier. I think I got smarter or wiser about the way a dealt with things. Perhaps I also just got used to certain facts... like the fact that finding a job was next to impossible and I made peace with doing free lance projects for little to no pay just to be involved. I learned that at the end of the day, doing what I love made me happy regardless of pay and that working just for the money wasn't for me (I called hubs crying during my lunch break on day one of a temp telemarketing job... DAY ONE!) so now I know that I suppose. I learned that taking the time to get out of my head and really see the world around me makes me really happy... so I did just that and got lost in the city for hours documenting every minute in every form imaginable and feel like I really lived this city you know? And what's even better, other people have said they feel like they too know the city just through my pictures... my view of what London has to offer and that's just great. I learned that reaching out to people wasn't so scary, but that it's also ok retreat to my duvet when I feel the need. That some days being happy would come easily and that some days they would be nearly impossible... and that's ok too.
If year 1 was about struggling to pin point and identify what the problems were... year two then was most certainly about trying to fix them and learning to live with the ones I couldn't. What's even more ironic (I think, hubs always says I use the word incorrectly) is that after all the turmoil of the past two years, I wasn't even supposed to be here for this anniversary... I should already be in L.A. and that's a different source of grief for me so we won't get into it.
So the day has come and gone and I feel a bit indifferent to be honest. Part of me wanted to celebrate while part of me kept thinking "I shouldn't even be here" and so the inner battle continues on... or at least until we leave the country (I hope). I wish I could say that year two was sufficient enough to cancel out year one, but it wasn't. I wish I could say that thanks to year two I'll be leaving with a completely undamaged opinion for London, but I can't. I think when I look back and reflect on my time here, I'll always remember the struggles and how it's been (so far) one of the hardest parts of my life... but I also hope to remember the beauty and the good times that came along with London because there were many... and for that I know I am stronger now.
***Today I am thankful for this blog... for better or worse, it documents my time in the UK and that's cool***