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So Ive thought long and hard about blogging on this topic for awhile now... yes, no, keeping it light and friendly... just above the surface... but you know what? This is a lifestyle blog chronicling my life and sometimes it's not that perfect. Sometimes I do break down, and sometimes I just need to vent (even if don't know who actually reads this). So here goes... a muddled together typed version of my thoughts and feelings lately... Sorry if it makes no sense.

I completely believe in the above saying... respect it even. I believe in trying hard, your hardest, and then some to get what you want out of life. And I guess for the most part I have always seen the results pretty soon afterwards. But what do you do when you try and try, get knocked down and get back up again, only to keep failing? What do you when you start losing hope and start feeling like maybe things should come a little bit easier because your tired, you feel like you've proved yourself, have a wounded spirit, and just don't know how to keep trying? I started this blog at the beginning of the year, and as many of you know it hasn't been the smoothest of rides. In the past 12 months I have gotten engaged, ended a career, gotten married, relocated to another country, and tried to start a new life. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, an exciting and exhausting adventure, and I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed!

I find myself feeling really homesick even though I haven't lived at home since I was 18. And even though Ive lived here before, London feels a lot more frigid and cold this time around, and I'm not just referring to the weather (that's taking getting used to in itself). Making friends and branching out on my own has been close to non existent since I lack a job to meet new people. My daily routine for the most part consists of running (something I cling to to as my own), wandering about, and Starbucks. The lack of jobs in the market is so depressing at times, and just recently discovering that my whole portfolio and approach has to be changed from the NYC standard that it's in is enough to send anyone running. To say that my pride and ego have taken a beating out here is an understatement... and not to sound conceded, but Ive always known my talent and valued my worth.

Just a whole series of events that Ive encountered since the move... from losing a loved one, developing allergies when Ive never had any, being stolen from, dealing with draining friendships, lack of internet (sounds childish I know), and many more... it just seems like London is trying to keep me down... or is it life? I don't know anymore. And I realize that I am very fortunate to have found the love of my life, who has been nothing but supportive, patient, understanding, and much more tolerant of me than Ive even been of myself to help in this journey... yet some how I can't help but feel sad, frustrated, upset, and angry. Staying true to my positive, happy, smiley self is getting harder and harder as I feel more and more lost. This loss of identity and purpose is probably the most frightening and am trying desperately to find myself again.

I'm not really sure why I am writing all this and sharing so much... if you ask any of my friends, I am generally a very private person when it comes to the hard stuff. But I felt the urge to, and I may regret it later (although I also strongly believe in never regretting your choices), but I guess I'll just have to see what come out of this. For now at least I feel a sense of calm in getting this out there... off of my chest. Am I perfect? No way. Trying my hardest? You betcha. All I can do is be me and just hope that sooner or later I get a brake... and trust me, you guys will be the first to know! Thanks for listening and I'm done with the whining...

***Today I am thankful for hubs for he is truly my rock and what keeps me going out here***


Missy Elliott...


*Note: the lyrics and videos to some of these songs may include words and/or context not suitable for anyone under 18 years of age*

Some of you may have read from the last Tuesday Tunes post when little k and I collaborated on the music selection and came up with Mark Roson, but what you don't know is all of the behind the scenes reminiscing that went on... oh and we went way back! We went back to the late 90's and 2000's venturing through various music genres and compared how they shaped our lives. Now little k and I are nearly five years apart so while I was thinking I was all grown up listening to my rap or rock stage, I never stopped to think that baby sis might be jamming to that too... that's the beauty of getting older and becoming best friends. Getting to hear her life from her point of view, not just my older, bossy, know-it all side.

Well it seems that Missy Elliott struck a cord with both of us... from her lyrics, her boldness, her self confidence in NOT having to be one of the thin provocative female rappers, and her fashion... literally the woman's music videos were basically Adidas ads!!! Coincidence or did she really just love the brand that much? I remember my first pair of Superstars... I saved all my money for them and even changed out the laces to some thicker black ones! She was just so fresh and in your face for the time period, really carving the way for female rappers to follow. Listening to hers songs together, it was funny to share what memories each one stirred up in us... each in such different stages of our lives.

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little k and i's top 10...

***Today I am thankful for little k... the best little sis and friend a girl could ask for***


Happy 4th Of July!!!


Well hello strangers! Or am I the stranger for having disappeared for what... like five days??? I know I said I'd be back full force and all but sometimes a wife just needs some one on one time with her hubs after 12 days apart... you know what I mean? Yep we are definitely still in that newlywed stage and making up for each day missed. For whatever reason, hubs and Starbucks (for internet, and coffee purposes for that matter) don't really mix so you'll start to see a pattern of missing posts on the weekends until we get internet at home. Or at least until I figure out how to balance my blogging and get some done before the weekend... I swear I try each week! Well the cutie took Friday off for some much needed us time and a long weekend we had!!!

So I'm back to reality now... you know off of cloud nine... and wanted to wish all my readers (American or not) a very happy fourth of July!!! Now don't think that because I'm over here I didn't celebrate... because I did and spared no patriotism!!! Even down to the American cake I baked... ok I can't lie... I was really hung over and hubs ended up taking over as I directed (won't that be impressive on his citizenship application!). After a lot of little mishaps in the kitchen, we arrived at the picnic two hours late and with a slightly orange and blue cake and me still not feeling too fresh. But no worries, we ate and celebrated anyways and our American picnic was a success!!! There was even a reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance! Near by neighbors were curious...

How did you end up celebrating this year??? With a big bang of a party... or just quite, intimate gathering? Any one else do any cute patriotic things with food, drink, or decor? Share please!!!

***Today I am thankful for having been born a strong and independent American female... with a dash of Latin spice***


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